Free houses, cars, money, and other stuff

Hurrah! Keep an eye on the obituaries, folks, because should Justin McKeating drop dead tomorrow, or should Bob ‘not as attractive or as intelligent as Billie’ Piper get squished by a militant 4×4 driver at the end of their teather, there will be free houses, cars, money in bank accounts, second hand clothes and other personal family memorabilia up for grabs. Absolutely and totally free. Yip, no cost, no troublesome wills or annoying next of kin type of thing, or anything like that. Just turn up and take what you fancy.

How do I know this? Well, they told me so. First up we have Justin’s masterpiece of understanding property.

‘‘It strikes at our relationship with the state,’ they say. Well get this: You can’t have a relationship with the state when you’re dead. You can’t assert ownership over your own corpse. Why? Because. You. Are. Dead. What other freedoms would you like to exercise after you’ve shuffled off? I take it you’ll be putting your favourite songs on your iPod to take with you as well? It’ll be as much use to you as your liver.

Got that? Yip, once you are dead, sorry, You. Are. Dead. you cannot assert ownership over things. Thus, logic dictates, they are up for grabs. Good, innit?

Bob then creams his socialist underpants with this victory of state ownership of everything V property rights , agrees with Justin, and adds;

‘What seems to have slipped past the minds of the sanctimonious right is that the phrase ‘opt-out’ gives those who are alive and care about these things, an opportunity to…. errm, how shall I put it…. opt-out.’

I’ll leave you to chuckle at the irony of that one - I don’t want to trouble Bob’s limited understanding of, well, just about anything apparently, by explaining what is so fundamentally wrong with that statement. Sadly, for those looking for some freebies, Bob and Justin are still with us, but you can rest assured that if they do pop their clogs, I won’t be scrabbling around with you for their possessions.

I’ll be too busy pissing myself laughing at the irony of seeing people walking off with all of their stuff while their family are presented with the relevant blog post. No offence, like, Bob or Justin.

You. Complete. Buffoons.